Misadventures of my Janky Apartment, Especially the Bathroom. Alternatively titled: Everything I Own/Rent is Broken.
>The doorbell sticks. Especially when the trash collectors come and want to be let into the courtyard at ass o’clock. And let me tell you what, that son of a bitch is LOUD.
>Flat mate never cleans anything, ever. Nor does she take out the trash. Not once since she’s lived here. Not once in 4 months. This is not an exaggeration. She puts her trash next to the bin rather than empty the bin. What is wrong with her?
>Sometimes the heat just…doesn’t work. What?
>Bad news, the shower hose is broken. Good news, it’s simple as fuck to fix. Bad news, I have to go buy a new shower hose. Good news, I get to keep up my reputation as a Mechanic’s Daughter Who Fixes Her Own Shit.
>For anyone who’s ever actually experienced the sheer jank that is my bathroom (I think that’s about 2 of you poor souls) I don’t have to explain anything. I’m pretty sure that space was never meant to be a bathroom. I’m pretty sure it was meant to be a crawl space. It is, at its widest, about 30 inches/76cm and I’ll be damned if it’s more than 3 metres/9.5 feet long. To get into the shower you have to basically crawl over the toilet. I have never been so happy to be as small of a human as I am until that bathroom crawl space came into my life.
>Also! There’s the window that doesn’t close in the bathroom. Have I mentioned that?
>Worse news, one of the shower pipes is broken. Still worse, I don’t know how to fix it. (Basic carpentry: yes. Standard car repair: yes. Extremely basic plumbing: yes. Anything beyond a clogged drain: oh, fuck.) Still worse: I was supposed to go visit my Gingerman (Ginger + German = sit your ass down, I am hilarious) this morning but OH NO waiting on a plumber until tomorrow morning.
>I guess this is the part where I’m glad that the landlord’s brother in law is a plumber who owes him a favour so he’ll come in when the rest of the plumbers in this country are on vacation until January 1? Whatever, I now understand why this apartment is approximately €500 cheaper per month than the last one.
>Good news: German Oma gave me a basket of cookies for Christmas. Hello, breakfast!
(And yes I’d rather have a bathroom crawl space than no bathroom at all but come on all 3 places I lived as a student were way nicer than this. Maybe I am doing it wrong. Or went to a fancyass college. Oops.)