School subjects beginning with ‘S’
Words associated with exercise beginning with ‘G’
Household chores beginning with ‘G’
Then my cousin, when faced with the challenge of “body parts beginning with ‘I’” comes up with inner labia which was ruled acceptable because my mother had previously played scrotum for “things which bounce beginning with “S”.
Things. Which. Bounce.
Cousin: Have you ever seen Mean Girls?
Cousin: Oh, yeah, I forgot. You're from Tumblr.
Em: I'm from the 1980s! I saw Mean Girls in the movie theater!
Dad lets me use the chainsaw and Mom won’t let me open a plastic bottle of salad dressing.
That awkward moment when my aunt’s best friend’s gay brother remarks on how great it is that a straight girl works for the gay yellow pages and asks if I’m texting my boyfriends after dinner. Passing problems.
Then he said I look like “what would happen if Blaine and Kurt from glee had a baby” and damn me, that might be the best compliment I’ve ever gotten.
If I just told my 14 year old cousin that I will buy him condoms should he ever need them and be somehow unable to get them, would that win me the Best Cousin Ever or the Worst Cousin Ever award?
My 14 year old cousin just told me he refers to me among his friends as “my cousin Emily, the one person who I am related to that I can relate to”.
This was the day my heart grew three sizes.
Wow family I came out to you guys nearly six years ago and you have either forgotten or you never took me seriously in the first place wow that’s awesome remember that nearly three year relationship I was in? Obviously guess not because you never really accepted her or maybe you thought it was a phase that one’s my favourite.
Me: Did you see anybody you knew at the reunion?
Mom: Yeah, one of my friends from freshman year, Terri. We got arrested for shoplifting. We stole some pretty awesome stuff, like this one Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young album.
Me: How....how did you even get that out of the store?
Mom: We didn't, we got arrested!